How Talking Helps
One of the most common objections to seeing a psychologist is the concern that talking about emotions won’t help. Often there is a worry that talking about difficulties will make the feelings worse, particularly if the feelings are the result of a situation that happened long ago or cannot be changed. People also worry that seeing a therapist is self-indulgent and will make them more selfish or self-absorbed.
Science has demonstrated, however, that talking about feelings helps to relieve distress and gives people better insight and control over their emotions. The simple act of naming feelings has been shown to change the way the brain responds to emotions which in turn reduces the intensity of the feelings. Naming the feeling shifts the brain response from the amygdala which is responsible for automatic responses to emotions such as the fight flight response, to the right prefrontal cortex which is responsible for more planned controlled and rational behaviour. Talking about feelings helps us feel calmer and more in control because talking about feelings changes where we are processing our emotions in our brains.
Many people who are sceptical about therapy, however, have had the opposite experience when they have talked about their feelings and talking overwhelmed them rather than calmed them. One reason why the feeling increases may be because it is the first time the emotion is being given space to be expressed. Many people cope with emotions by avoiding them. Watching tv, scrolling social media, alcohol and even pain medication are common ways people avoid emotions by numbing them and ignoring them. These ways of coping can often cause people to feel flat, disconnected or lonely. When emotions that have been avoided are talked about they are switched on again and this can feel like the emotions are getting worse. In these instances the feelings may feel worse initially but then settle when talked about. Reconnecting with the difficult feelings helps people to find other ways to manage their feelings instead of avoiding or numbing them which in turn removes the flat feelings and helps people to reconnect with others and feel less lonely.
Another reason why the talking about emotions may feel unpleasant is because of how the emotions are received by the person you share them with. It is important that the person that you share your feelings with responds well to your sharing. If they become distressed, minimise, or criticize you for your feelings then of course the experience will be unpleasant. Many people seek a psychologist to talk to so as to avoid these kinds of negative reactions to their sharing.
Psychological therapy, however, is much more than just talking about feelings. Research has consistently demonstrated that people with difficulties with anxiety and depression have unhelpful thought patterns that perpetuate their distress. Scientific research has consistently shown that therapies that relieve anxiety and depression change how much people believe unhelpful thoughts. Clinical psychologists are trained in providing scientifically demonstrated therapies to help many emotional and behavioural difficulties.
References
Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18, 421-428